1. Stay stinky.
Why pay for laundry? It’s cheaper to just buy new underwear, and you have about 100 pairs now. Spray perfume on the pits of your t-shirt, wash the ranch dressing off your jeans with a paper towel, and you got a fresh outfit.
2. Every day is your birthday.
Trying to save money but still wanna drink at the bar? Easy. Have your friend give you a birthday shout-out from the DJ booth and you’ll be lining up the shots.
3. Don’t furnish or decorate your apartment.
Who needs to entertain friends? Walk past your empty living room every day without a second glance.
4. Don’t do anything to your hair.
You COULD buy that $5 box dye, but that’s losing one night at a hostel in Bolivia…or something. I’m currently going for a reverse-ombre look with scraggly black hair and two inches of light brown roots.
5. Keep that phone from 10 years ago.
Who needs a smart phone? Or the internet…or picture messages…or consistent service? At least you won’t be able to drunk Facebook after all your “birthday” shots.
6. Never go grocery shopping.
Eat your roommate’s food (sorry!!) and make do with what you’ve got. Some of my recent meals include lima beans with alfredo sauce and black olives with pesto.
7. Invest in Hulu or Netflix.
Why is the $8 a month worth it? Because you save at least $100 more by not going out and staying cooped up in your room, alone, getting sucked into yet another season of Grey’s Anatomy so you can watch Katherine Heigl’s character continue its downward spiral.
8. Make a travel blog.
Reiterate point about staying cooped up in your room, alone.
Why is it all worth it? I’m buying my ticket to South America today.